Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's official drugs can't kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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