Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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