You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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