so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
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I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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