My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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