I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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