My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize