Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Found the puke drawer
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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