I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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