I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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