Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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