In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize