my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
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He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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