ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
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When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
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I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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