Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
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My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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