I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize