girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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