I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize