I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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