Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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