She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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