Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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