Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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