I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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