I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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