i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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