Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Even my vagina gasped.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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