well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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