walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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