I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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