it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
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i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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