Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
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What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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