need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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