Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We left the knife in your bed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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