Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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