Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
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What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
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I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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