I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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