I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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