Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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