you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
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I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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