How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
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he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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