I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize