I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
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I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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