Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize