How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
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Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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