I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
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I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
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