can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize