I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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