so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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