if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
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I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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